tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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