Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize