make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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