Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
