You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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