i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
