Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
