just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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