I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
