when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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