I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.