Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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