i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize