I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I deserve this hangover.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
