she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
