Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
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Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
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I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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