"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
