And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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