he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
