Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
