He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
