yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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