How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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