I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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