I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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