How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
