btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
