plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
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We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
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What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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