watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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