I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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