You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
