Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
