I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
