And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
