you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
