you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
