I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
