He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize