he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
