i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
