Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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