she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
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Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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