Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just gift wrapped bread.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
