we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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