drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
