Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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