He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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