do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
