you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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