as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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