I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize