ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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