The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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