Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
