I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
