My first STD was from a foam party
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
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She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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