you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
