Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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